The Land of Idiots and Madmen
by LightningRivera
Summary: There is a land called Stories and Such that all characters from every book and movie you can think of lives in. Follow them as they get into heated debates from betting with Iron Man to guessing Gandalf's underwear color.
1. Greetings from the Director of Letters

Concerning the politics of the people who live in the land of Stories and Such, of their neighbors; Movie Adaptions and to the horrid lands beyond.

Greetings empty-headed imbeciles!

The Board and I have come to an understanding that your dull world needs some colours and intelligence. I need not explain further (or perhaps I do, since your world is full of people with brains of kelp); but for the sake of the less educated (which is everyone in your world, but I am a polite man), I have decided to.

We had a feeling that your world needed some learning from us, People of Intelligence, and we have decided to send you stories on the beginnings of our land to the lives of the very people in it, be it elves or hobbits, demigods or the ever-so-lovely Captain America himself.

We hope that you enjoy our collection of biographies, and for the sake of the young ones; do not repeat the actions done so by the stupid characters in this book.

Much love,

Loki


	2. Hundred Acre Woods is Ma' Hot Spot

It was a bright Saturday morning and the clouds were white and fluffy. Piglet the Pig skipped out of his little house, singing with obvious joy. The flowers danced and the grass swayed in harmony. The land of Stories and Such was celebrating because Gandalf was finally coming home from his long trip in Hollywood. Everyone wanted to hear how he was.

But the peaceful atmosphere was interrupted by a loud voice.

"Hey, Hawkeye!" called Tony Stark, the billionaire who owned three houses at Stories and Such. He lived in New York, which was south of Hundred Acre Woods, where most of the old characters lived. He had decided to drop by Hundred Acre Woods and surprise Hawkeye, who was visiting his grandmother.

Hawkeye spun around. "Tony!" he greeted. "What brings you here?"

Tony shrugged. "I got bored and decided to pay you a visit."

Hawkeye raised his eyebrows. "There must be a hot chick here that you wanted to follow. You don't strike me as the type who visits people and brings them flowers."

"If I was scouring for women my hotspot wouldn't be a retiring centre...though the people here are cool." At this he waved at a passing Winnie the Pooh: "Sup Winnie? Rocking that cropped top, arent ya?"

Winnie the Pooh looked confused. Hawkeye felt almost sorry for him.

"Stop disturbing these poor people and just get back to the Stark Tower, Tony."

"I want to follow you!" Tony insisted. "The drawings and plans laid out for my new weapon is giving me a headache and I need to get my mind of it. Just do whatever you need to do and I'll be at the side plucking daisies and following your every move."

"If you're going to stalk someone, Stark, don't let them know that you are stalking them."

"Can you just move on with what you were going to do?"

Hawkeye sighed. "I was going to the Hub*.Heard that they were serving chicken soup. "

"You're such an old lady, Barton. Stop spending time with Cap."

"You coming or not?"

"Urghhh...maybe I'll meet Katniss there. Oh! I should pair both of you up! The two legendary archers with an eternal hate for the Capitol. How romantic!"

"The Capitol was overthrown and Katniss is married, moron. Where did you learn your history?"

"She is? Well, that's a bummer. S'okay, there's always Queen Susan of Narnia and that Scottish princess Merida or something. Oh! There's Legolas! He's not married!"

"I'm perfectly straight, thank you very much."

"Thanks, Barton, really. You just broke a million men hearts."

* * *

***At the Hub***

"Ohmygosh! You're Howard the Duck?! I love your cartoons so much!" exclaimed Tony excitedly. Everyone at the Hub looked disturbed. Hawkeye shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Uh...Tony? Perhaps you could keep the fangirling to a minimum? You're a grown man."

Meanwhile, Howard the Duck fluffed up his feathers proudly. "You do? It's nothing, really. I'm glad someone appreciates my work."

Suddenly the door flew open and Gandalf walked in. "Gandalf!" called everyone happily. He was immediately bombarded with questions and hugs so he sat at a table nearby. "Children, I'm sure you would like to know how my journey went-"

Everyone fell silent in anticipation.

"-it was quite exciting, but awfully surprising in the manner in which they behave. Very rude and vulgar. But many looked quite like us in many ways. My, I even met a lady who looked much like the Lady Galadriel and a handsome lad very much like Legolas. They were quite the only few who were polite."

"Oohh.." was what everyone could say.

"But I am afraid I must head to my chambers this instant as I am very tired. The women there are very wild." he shivered at the memory and scampered away.

One by one the people dispersed until only Tony, Barton and Howard the Duck remained.

"Soo...Hollywood?" suggested Tony.

"We are so on." And they headed for the car.

* * *

*** The Hub was destroyed in the books, so I just imagined that they renovated the place after Katniss got married.**

**Hope you liked it though! Reviews are welcome:)**


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